We all have trunked novels; ones that failed miserably during our first experience with queries. Or, ones that never even made it to query. I’ve been thinking that these are a lot like ex-boyfriends and this is why:
1) When the idea to write trunked novel/date a-hole jerk first came to us, we thought it was the BEST. IDEA. EVER.
2) While writing trunked novel/dating big loser, we told our wise friends about it and they all gave us that look that said, “Oh isn’t that nice!”
3) When we sent our first query/attemped to make dumwit go to very important event, we thought it would go wonderfully and we would move to next step immediately and without pain.
4) 97 queries later/97 failed attempts to make Mr. Moron act like real boyfriend in public, it finally occured to us that maybe this wasn’t the one.
5) 25 more queries later/25 more attempts, just in case we were wrong…
6) We gave up. We decided we weren’t fit to write/date. We spent 7 hours Googling “old lady with cats”, you know, just in case. We drank a box of wine. Ate a case of Oreos. By the end of it, old lady with cats seemed too high a bar.
7) We told our wise friends that it was us, not the book/jerk with Bud T-shirt, and our friends said, “Um, maybe, you should, you know, write something that isn’t about talking asparagus/date someone who doesn’t chew his own toenails in public.”
8 ) We realized it wasn’t us. It WAS the book/what was that guy’s name again?
9) We trunked the book/told a-hole to take long walk off short plank.
10) We started again.
P.S. Above comments are in no way meant as an insult to my own trunked novels. As for the ex-boyfriends, well, they are “ex” for a reason…